Joe is yelling at the trees again.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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