her facebook's as public as her vagina
God, you're like boner-b-gone
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
