I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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