I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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