i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
