Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
