my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
