How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
