last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
