Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
