dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i was born a porn star she said
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
