Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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