i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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