I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
