how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
