just survived the first fart of the relationship.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
