I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
