We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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