My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
