Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
