STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
