Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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