smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
