I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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