Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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