Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
