god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
