I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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