A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
