yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
