oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
