Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
