dude i'm inner monologue high
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
