u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
