I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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