ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
