It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
