i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
