You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just pee around me
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
