He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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