yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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