You can't special order awesome
Just cropdusted the office
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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