Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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