We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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