god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
