I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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