is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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