I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
