i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
