Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
