so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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