dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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