my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
