i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
