We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
